{"id":1911,"date":"2013-11-25T23:46:03","date_gmt":"2013-11-26T05:46:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/?p=1911"},"modified":"2014-01-31T09:13:34","modified_gmt":"2014-01-31T15:13:34","slug":"outside-the-myers-briggs-box","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/2013\/11\/outside-the-myers-briggs-box\/","title":{"rendered":"Outside the Myers-Briggs Box"},"content":{"rendered":"

I know it\u2019s going to be a tough night \u2013 guaranteed uncertainty, possible angst spiked with a jolt of humiliation.\u00a0 Nick tells me that I\u2019ll know plenty of people at the cocktail party, but that\u2019s not the point.\u00a0 The Myers-Briggs test is the point.\u00a0 I have taken it twice in different corporate environments \u2013 can\u2019t remember why \u2013 probably it was one of those little parlor games that Human Resources likes to cook up. Maybe you remember Myers-Briggs. You have to answer four binary questions that are designed to provide insight into your modus operandi<\/i> \u2013 i.e. do you think<\/i> more than feel<\/i>, or judge<\/i> more than perceive?<\/i>\u00a0 The eight possible responses are arranged in a grid of 16 different categories that define general personality types.<\/p>\n

Piffle! Piffle! Piffle! I say to Myers and Briggs.\u00a0 I am perfectly capable of thinking and<\/em> feeling, judging and<\/em> perceiving \u2013 I bet I can even do all four at once.\u00a0 But here’s the weird thing \u2013 both times I took the test I ended up in the same personality box \u2013 it\u2019s the one in the lower right hand corner specially designed for all of us socially awkward people.\u00a0 That\u2019s right, as a group we just suck at cocktail parties.\u00a0 Now give me a captive audience \u2013 a dinner partner for example \u2013 and I am a dream come true, slowly developing and nurturing conversation through a full three course meal. \u00a0I’ve got some stories to tell and some are real beauts – like the time I was so fed up with my boss I took it out on my worm farm. \u00a0Just took that bin, marched outside and dumped all my red wrigglers onto the lawn. Liberated them, set them free, except for the little detail that it was mid-winter.<\/p>\n

But the rapid fire required of a cocktail party \u2013 I admit it, that\u2019s not going to be my forte. \u00a0I just can’t think fast enough to introduce some sort of peppy topic and then flog it along until it morphs into an actual conversation. \u00a0All the while the shot clock is ticking away. \u00a0Unlike the sedentary dinner guest, the cocktail partner can just wander off \u2013 yes, disasters have occurred. \u00a0Nick, on the other hand couldn\u2019t be farther away. \u00a0 He’s in that box in the upper left hand corner comfortably ensconced with the socially agile who can circulate with ease and abandon.<\/p>\n

Yeah, I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll know a few people at this community event, but that doesn\u2019t mean that in this vast throng I won\u2019t find myself washed up on the abandoned shores of a conversational dead zone.\u00a0 I try to prep, find ways to battle my way out of my isolating Myers-Briggs box. Maybe I can cook up some sure-fire conversation prompts. Read any good books lately? How about that national debt? What\u2019s next on your bucket list? Maybe I should have some seasonal entries at the ready. Are you cooking for Thanksgiving? Any travel plans this winter\/summer\/spring\/fall? But no, no, no \u2013 boring, boring, boring is no way to get out of the box, but sadly I\u2019ve learned that spontaneity can be a dangerous game with the potential for sudden awkward silences.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not only what to talk about, it\u2019s also that I don\u2019t understand cocktail party etiquette.\u00a0 How do I break into a conversation in the first place? \u00a0Say I spot a target but she\u2019s talking with someone else. Do I just go up there and stand silently and wait to be included?\u00a0 Or is the better strategy to listen closely and get up to speed on my own and then force myself in with a prescient comment?\u00a0 And then what\u2019s the exit strategy?\u00a0 I envy men \u2013 they can always offer to get a lady a drink. \u00a0I bet the bar is a great meeting place, plus men can mine new prospects on the way there and back.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re here, it\u2019s game time.\u00a0 The event is in an atrium below the entry level, so I can look down and plan my attack. I see a couple of people I know, but I must parse them out strategically, using them as lifelines in case I get washed up.\u00a0 Nick says that he\u2019ll go and get me a drink, but I head off on my own to test my strategy of the bar as meeting place.<\/p>\n

Damn it, no luck tonight. The only other people are men getting drinks for others.\u00a0 Now I realize what I should have done – in a complete role reversal I should have gotten Nick his drink, then I could wend my way back to him and join his conversation. Remember he’s \u00a0he is in that better box and knows how to get a toe hold on the evening.\u00a0 Now I\u2019ve lost him in the crowd.\u00a0 Probably just as well. \u00a0I don\u2019t want to raise the white flag immediately \u2013 talking with your husband reeks of social failure.<\/p>\n

Droplets of cold water are running down my glass and dripping onto my hand. Where to go? Oh thank God, I see a woman I know slightly \u2013 I might even call her a socialite \u2013 Susie Q is glancing toward me, at least I think that it\u2019s me, though why she’d look my way is a mystery. But what the hell, with no other options, I\u2019m moving in.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like you to meet Joe Blow; he is a house guest of my friend \u2013 just visiting for the weekend.\u00a0 He was just telling me about his dog.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

Joe is a sallow man with a moist upper lip and a large-pored nose.\u00a0 His rheumy eyes swim behind thick and dusty lenses. Yes, yes, yes, I’m sure that we are cohabitants in that lower left hand box.<\/p>\n

Are you kidding me? \u00a0Now I see Susie Q\u2019s strategy.\u00a0 She\u2019s done the classic bait and switch with surgical precision.\u00a0 There she goes, skipping off in pure delight and I\u2019m left with the mumbling house guest.\u00a0 I think he said his dog just died, but my mind is racing too fast to show any remorse. \u00a0I can’t afford to listen closely. \u00a0 I’ve got to plan ahead to keep this conversation going.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was an important part of the family so we put in the pacemaker, but when he became incontinent we had to put him down.\u00a0 \u00a0It was a difficult decision.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

Wait, did I hear that correctly \u2013 this family popped for a pacemaker but then made an end-of-life decision based on incontinence?\u00a0 This is a conversational gem that I can\u2019t pass up.\u00a0 Let\u2019s see – should I ask whether health care rationing for dogs should offer some useful insights into health care rationing for humans?\u00a0 Should I throw in the story about the family pet I almost put down when I was house sitting because he was peeing all over the house (including on my bed) \u2013 but then I held off and the dog lived happily (and dryly) for four more years?<\/p>\n

What, what is he saying now?\u00a0 Oh my God, I think he just said that he had to go to the bathroom.\u00a0 How humiliating – I\u2019ve been dismissed.\u00a0 Looks like I mistimed my snappy rejoinder and the house guest seized the moment of dead silence for his exit strategy.<\/p>\n

My spirits sink.\u00a0 Way too early to cash in one of my lifelines.\u00a0 Come on, come on, FIRE UP \u2013 I can do this.\u00a0 The party is really packed now; there must be someone I can latch onto.\u00a0 Oops \u2013 this guy bumps into me, his drink dribbles on his sleeve and I hear him swear under his breath.\u00a0 Here\u2019s my opening.\u00a0 I tell him – just go ahead, I don’t mind, let that F-word rip. \u00a0I tell him that last New Year\u2019s I vowed to swear more and I am a better person because of it.<\/p>\n

Now we\u2019re really into it, comparing our favorite swear words and swearing venues.\u00a0 Look at me, I\u2019m beyond having a conversation or even chatting – I\u2019m actually bantering, even jousting. \u00a0I\u2019m witty and clever.\u00a0 Ha! There\u2019s that sallow house guest on the fringes standing alone.\u00a0 He should have stuck with me.\u00a0 Ha! He pulled the conversational plug too early \u2013 I could’ve shown him a thing or two.\u00a0 I have blasted out of my Myer-Briggs box and I\u2019m streaking for the upper left hand corner.\u00a0 The man who spilled his drink is laughing and leans forward to make sure he hears all of my bon mots.\u00a0 I am a success.<\/p>\n

But wait a minute, who’s this somber frowzy woman standing expectantly next to me?\u00a0 Yes I know her vaguely, but does that mean I’m supposed to include her in the conversation or do I put up a virtual no entry zone \u2013 ignoring her would probably do the trick.\u00a0 I break down and give her an entr\u00e9e into our rollicking topic \u2013 I have been the outsider enough times to appreciate the kind soul who widens the circle.<\/p>\n

Are you kidding me?\u00a0 I throw her one bone and now she\u2019s making an aggressive move, complete with a little head fake.<\/p>\n

\u201cI would like to ask you a question about the zoning for the third ward.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/i><\/p>\n

That bitch has hijacked my conversation, now she is grabbing the guy\u2019s arm. \u00a0I\u2019ve been forced out.\u00a0 Time to start over again.<\/p>\n

Look, there\u2019s that woman I know a little bit from the ladies\u2019 bridge games I sometimes sub into.\u00a0 I move in, but watch out, there\u2019s someone coming in from the other direction and suddenly she turns and the moment is gone.\u00a0 How about that woman?\u00a0 She was the team mother when my daughter played soccer \u2013 that was a couple of years ago.\u00a0 I smile at her but get nothing in return \u2013 absolutely nothing.\u00a0 Does she have the nerve to pretend that she doesn\u2019t know who I am?\u00a0 I carpooled with her for Christ\u2019s sake, I even helped her out with some Godforsaken team-building soccer sleep-over at her house.\u00a0 Well screw her \u2013 maybe I\u2019ll finally ask her about that nasty scar on her upper arm \u2013 I\u2019ve always wondered.\u00a0 Whenever I see her, she\u2019s wearing short sleeves, just showing off that scrawny and wretched arm.\u00a0 She\u2019s just begging to be asked \u2013 I bet her arm is a convenient conversational lifeline.\u00a0 Perhaps I should get a tattoo.<\/p>\n

Okay, I\u2019ve had it \u2013 time to call in the lifelines.\u00a0 There\u2019s one at the bar.\u00a0 Damn it \u2013 he turns around and there\u2019re two drinks in his hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cGreat to see you, but we\u2019ll have to catch up later on.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

Shit, I just burned one of my lifelines.\u00a0 Time for another sweep of the room.\u00a0 Wait, is that a tap on my shoulder? Yes even better than a lifeline, it is an old shoe, a friend for more than twenty years, maybe even forty.\u00a0 No more contrived conversation starters for me.\u00a0 I can ask about his kids and I won\u2019t get the cocktail version of \u201cshe graduated a year ago and is now in graduate school.\u201d\u00a0 I will hear the back story the details, the really good stuff.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve done my best, the crowd is thinning out, now there\u2019s no shame in taking a break on the couch.\u00a0 Here comes Nick, spat out after his last lap around the room.\u00a0 Look at us \u2013 each of us the other’s life line \u2013 and it has been that way for the 35 years, ever since that cattle-call cocktail party that neither of us were invited to.\u00a0 That\u2019s when I broke out of the box just long enough to meet my husband for the first time \u2013 plucked him out of a pulsing amoebic swarm of people.\u00a0 So take that, Myers and Briggs.<\/p>\n

The missing words in the following poem are anagrams (i.e. share the same letters like spot, post, stop) and the number of asterisks indicates the number of letters.\u00a0 Your job is to solve the missing words based on the above rules and the context of the poem.\u00a0 Scroll down for answers.<\/em><\/h6>\n

I approach some cocktail parties with anxiety and dread<\/p>\n

Preferring to walk on burning embers or a hot *******.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s no surprise \u2013 I\u2019ve been ******* on my personality by Briggs and Myers<\/p>\n

I\u2019m down in the right corner box with all the other social outliers.<\/p>\n

Once I got out of the box using grit, gumption and a steel-******* spine.<\/p>\n

It was 35 years ago when I met my husband at a cocktail party and made him mine.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Firebed, briefed, fibered<\/p>\nFollow Liza Blue on: \"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>Share: \"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"reddit\"<\/a>\"pinterest\"<\/a>\"linkedin\"<\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I know it\u2019s going to be a tough night \u2013 guaranteed uncertainty, possible angst spiked with a jolt of humiliation.\u00a0 Nick tells me that I\u2019ll know plenty of people at the cocktail party, but that\u2019s not the point.\u00a0 The Myers-Briggs … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1911","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-what-i-did"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7iVc8-uP","post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1911","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1911"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1911\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1937,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1911\/revisions\/1937"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1911"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1911"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1911"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}