1. Daylight Savings Time<\/strong><\/p>\n In the late 1950s I was eight years old, a time when my mother routinely told us to clean our dinner plates because \u201cchildren were starving in Armenia.\u201d\u00a0 I did not grasp this logic but her stern voice convinced me it was my patriotic duty to eat all that dreadful liver and squash.\u00a0 So when I heard the call for \u201cdaylight savings time\u201d I wanted to step up and do my part.\u00a0 I went outside with a mason jar, let some daylight in, tightly sealed it and then proudly saved it in my closet.<\/p>\n 2. PATRIOT Act<\/strong><\/p>\n Congressional bills are required to have both a number and a name. Bill sponsors have seized this opportunity to create market-friendly acronyms.\u00a0 The 2001 PATRIOT act is actually an acronym for “Uniting and Strengthening America by\u00a0P<\/strong>roviding\u00a0A<\/strong>ppropriate\u00a0T<\/strong>ools\u00a0R<\/strong>equired to\u00a0I<\/strong>ntercept and\u00a0O<\/strong>bstruct\u00a0T<\/strong>errorism\u00a0Act\u00a0of 2001.”\u00a0 Hastily passed after 9\/11, the act expanded the government\u2019s ability to monitor its citizens, including a search of telephone and financial records without judicial review.\u00a0 An important check and balance was thus eliminated.\u00a0 The sponsors of the PATRIOT Act knew that their clever title would successfully demonize those who objected to the bill\u2019s incursion into our civil rights, particularly the 4th\u00a0Amendment\u2019s prohibition of unlawful search and seizure.\u00a0 Imagine the reception the bill would receive if it was given the equally apt acronym POLICE STATE:<\/p>\n O\u00a0<\/strong>ur<\/p>\n L\u00a0<\/strong>iberties<\/p>\n I\u00a0<\/strong>nvolves<\/p>\n C\u00a0<\/strong>onstitutional<\/p>\n E\u00a0<\/strong>rosion.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n S\u00a0<\/strong>acrificing<\/p>\n T\u00a0<\/strong>ime-Honored<\/p>\n A\u00a0<\/strong>mednments (to)<\/p>\n T\u00a0<\/strong>hreatened<\/p>\n E\u00a0<\/strong>xtremism<\/p>\n Don\u2019t get me started on the misnomer that is the \u201cAffordable Care Act.\u201d\u00a0 In fact, this is such a travesty of a name that few dare to say it out loud, instead referring to it merely as the \u201cACA.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a03. Starbuck\u2019s Tall drinks<\/strong><\/p>\n By age five, children probably have a firm grasp on size based on the standard trio of small, medium and large orders of McDonald\u2019s French fries.\u00a0 Starbucks is an outlier.\u00a0 They refuse to use the word small.\u00a0 Their sizes ae classified as tall, grande and venti. <\/p>\n Okay, I\u2019ll agree that grande and venti give Starbucks the international flair it seeks, but Tall standing in for small? \u00a0Maybe Starbucks is playing a psychological game with us, divorcing the link between size and price.\u00a0 I might not be willing to fork over $4.00 for a \u201csmall\u201d frapuccino, but the price seems more justified for a \u201ctall\u201d drink.<\/p>\n Another possibility is that Starbucks is sensitive to men\u2019s general discomfort when the word \u201csmall\u201d is bandied about.\u00a0 This is a lesson well-learned by condom makers, whose sizes include \u201cregular,\u201d \u201clarge\u201d and \u201cextra-large.” \u00a0Men can live with regular but not small.\u00a0 But if this is Starbuck\u2019s strategy they are ignoring women\u2019s embrace of the concept of small.\u00a0\u00a0 Aside from breast size, small is an aspirational goal, with women squeezing into single digit sizes.\u00a0 Women are all about self-control, and a tall drink may seem overly indulgent while a small drink is just right.<\/p>\n 4. Sit Back, Relax and Enjoy the Flight\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n From the perspective of my usual seat in the far reaches of economy, the only true word in this familiar phrase is \u201cflight.\u201d\u00a0 The slogan might have been appropriate in the early days of commercial flight when the novelty of flying created some possibility of enjoyment.\u00a0 Those were the days when people dressed up for a flight \u2013 my mother wore pearls, my father his coat and tie \u2013 and well-coiffed stewardesses served macadamia nuts.\u00a0 Now air travel has all the appeal of an overcrowded city bus.\u00a0 I propose the following slogan revision\u00a0in the interests of managing expectations.<\/p>\n \u201cTry to get comfortable, calm down and endure.\u00a0 You\u2019ll get there eventually.\u201d<\/p>\n God’s Honest Truth<\/strong><\/p>\n 1. \u00a0Imitation Crabmeat<\/strong><\/p>\n I am not a fan of sushi, but have found refuge in \u201cCalifornia Rolls,\u201d which ostensibly contain a dab of crabmeat, avocado and maybe a bit of a crunch from a cucumber.\u00a0 Restaurants are not required to list ingredients, so when I bought some California rolls at the grocery store, I took a closer look at the label.\u00a0 And there it was \u2013 \u201cimitation crabmeat.\u201d\u00a0 Restaurants have been accused of secretly substituting trash fish for high-priced fish, so this label was a blast of the God\u2019s honest truth, no dissembling, no attempt to hide the fact that I was eating fake stuff.<\/p>\n My initial spasm of joy subsided and I thought, \u201cHmm, the label has only told me what this wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 If it is not crab, what is it?\u00a0 Is it even fish?\u201d<\/p>\n It turns out that imitation crab is a finely pulverized paste of a variety of fish combined with starch and the ubiquitous \u201cartificial flavors.\u201d\u00a0 The paste is painted red in homage to real crab, and then molded into whatever shape is wanted.<\/p>\n I was severely\u00a0disappointed, mostly with myself, when I discovered that the labeling was an FDA requirement.\u00a0 How could I have been so na\u00efve to think that a marketer would voluntarily advertise that their product is fake?\u00a0 Sec.540.700 of the FDA Compliance Policy Guide addressing processed fish states:<\/p>\n \u201cFor example, a processed and blended seafood product made primarily with fish protein that is a substitute for crabmeat, resembles crab meat, and is nutritionally inferior to crabmeat, must be labeled \u2018imitation crabmeat.\u2019\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Perhaps sushi makers were initially aghast at this requirement, but then, taking a page from the clothing designers who proudly sell \u201cfake\u201d or \u201cfaux\u201d fur, the industry decided that having the word \u201ccrab\u201d in the label, even if it was imitation, was far more appealing than the alternative of \u201cpulverized fish paste.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\nFollow Liza Blue on: Misnomers 1. Daylight Savings Time In the late 1950s I was eight years old, a time when my mother routinely told us to clean our dinner plates because \u201cchildren were starving in Armenia.\u201d\u00a0 I did not grasp this logic … Continue reading P\u00a0<\/strong>rotecting<\/h3>\n
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