\/sl\u00f4TH,sl\u014dTH\/<\/strong><\/p>\n noun<\/strong><\/p>\n 1. disinclination to action or labor; spiritual apathy<\/strong><\/p>\n Symbolized by a Lazy Boy in the living room.<\/p>\n 2.\u00a0 A slow moving tropical American mammal<\/strong><\/p>\n Derived from the activity level of a human in a Lazy Boy<\/p>\n My anxiety spikes as the burly delivery men settle the Lazy Boy into my living room.\u00a0 This isn\u2019t a discreet model, but a full-on Lazy Boy with oversized, plush pillows and a lever to stretch the chair into a near horizontal position.<\/p>\n I insist the Lazy Boy will be temporary, something my husband Nick will sleep in as he recovers from rotator cuff surgery.\u00a0 Social media testimonials agree a Lazy Boy is the only way to get even a partial night\u2019s sleep.\u00a0 I can\u2019t understand why a strategic configuration of pillows on our bed won\u2019t serve the same purpose, but after two agonizing nights, I cave and usher the devil through the door.<\/p>\n I shudder to think that anyone who enters our home will be assaulted with the visible symbol of the deadly sin of sloth, pure sloth.\u00a0 Right in the middle of our living room.<\/p>\n Maybe after Nick recovers we can banish the chair to the basement, relegate it to a dirty secret, but I know its siren call will still be heard, luring some tender soul into its dark depths, watching sports with a bag of chips perched on a stomach, a cold one in the cup holder.\u00a0 Even in the middle of a summer day.<\/p>\n My anxiety sends me back to my 1960\u2019s childhood watching the Chicago Cubs play day games, starting exactly at 1:25 with Jack Brickhouse as the announcer and the cheerful Ernie Banks at first base.<\/p>\n I slouch on the TV room couch with my brother, who idly plucks ticks from the back of the sprawling dog.\u00a0 My mother walks through with an exasperated look.\u00a0 \u201cCan\u2019t you two think of anything better to do? It\u2019s a beautiful day out.\u201d\u00a0 She stands there staring at us as Jack Brickhouse says, \u201cBall one.\u201d The ensuing silence is punctuated by the teletype machines clacking in the background.<\/p>\n Laziness and sloth lie on a spectrum of idleness.\u00a0 Relaxation anchors one end.\u00a0 Laziness is the midpoint and the sin of sloth is at the other end.\u00a0 My mother feels that watching the Cubs play day games is laziness with overtones of sloth.<\/p>\n She embraces the concept of work-reward, the entitlement to relaxation after helping with chores, moving the lawn or cleaning out the chicken coop.\u00a0 Relaxation embraces hard-earned physical rest.\u00a0 Laziness implies work-avoidance.\u00a0 \u201cCan\u2019t you two think of something better to do?\u201d<\/p>\n Sloth adds mental inactivity to the physical.\u00a0 It is a unique among the seven deadly sins.\u00a0 All the others \u2013 pride, greed, lust, envy, rath, gluttony \u2013 are sins of commission.\u00a0 Only sloth is a sin of omission, which is why it is so deadly.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to do anything.\u00a0 Sloth can creep up and embrace you, pull you into a surrendered state of inactivity.<\/p>\n Baseball fans claim their sport is an intellectual game, but this is lost on my brother and I as we sit on the couch.\u00a0 We\u00a0are not filling out a score card, or commenting on play-off prospects, which have been non-existent since June.\u00a0 My mind is blank, I stare vapidly at the screen, perhaps commenting only on players\u2019 large chaw, their habit of spitting or adjusting their crotch.\u00a0 I can drift off in front of a baseball game and wake up several innings without missing anything. The national pastime.\u00a0 Pass time is a perfect description.\u00a0 \u201cCan\u2019t you two think of something better to do?\u201d<\/p>\n An occasional lapse into sloth can be disguised, but adding a Lazy Boy sends a powerful symbol of a sinful life.\u00a0 I ask family and friends to describe a vignette illustrating sloth. The compiled image is a young man who still lives in his parent\u2019s basement, spends days playing video games, or even worse, watches reruns of baseball games.\u00a0 Personal hygiene is a low priority.\u00a0 The sloth doesn\u2019t bother getting fully dressed; he just wears his boxers.\u00a0 His shirt is stained with old pizza sauce, his shirt armpits are yellow. Take-out boxes are stacked in the corner, empty cans wedged between the couch cushions.\u00a0 The sloth rarely gets out of his chair, asking anyone who passes by, \u201cAs long as you\u2019re up, can you get me another, or can you take this upstairs for me when you go?\u201d<\/p>\n All the vignettes involve men, and when I ask if women can be sloths, men pause to consider where they will fall between political correctness and equality.\u00a0 (Note the gender specificity of Lazy Boys<\/em>.)\u00a0 Men hesitantly agree women can be sloths, but the vignettes are hazier.\u00a0 \u201cFemale sloths don\u2019t watch baseball reruns,\u201d says one man, \u201cthey binge on bad TV, like those reality shows about bitchy housewives.\u201d\u00a0 However, all concur that binge watching the TV show \u201cBreaking Bad\u201d is not sloth, instead an intense intellectual exercise.<\/p>\n The sloth\u2019s couch is not a focus of the vignette, but when\u00a0asked all enthusiastically agree that Lazy Boys can tip any image into sloth.\u00a0 Picture a farmer digging a string of post holes in his rocky field.\u00a0 The sun is merciless.\u00a0 He finally takes a break, comes inside and leans over the sink.\u00a0 Sweat drips from his chin.\u00a0 He tries to wash his hands, but the dirt is caked into deep creases, and bulging blisters make his palms tender.\u00a0 He roll a cold can of soda across his pulsing forehead.<\/p>\n No human is more deserving of the work-reward of an afternoon baseball game, but I contend if you put this man in a Lazy Boy, it will smell like sloth.<\/p>\n What should I do with this shrine to slothdom holding court in my living room?\u00a0 The stigma haunts me and draws me in.\u00a0 I stare at its soft plump cushions reaching out to my ample form.\u00a0 One quick test couldn\u2019t hurt, I think.\u00a0 The cushions envelop me as I reach for the lever on my right.\u00a0 I pull it slowly.\u00a0 My legs elevate.\u00a0 I arch my back to push the back rest into the fully slothful position.\u00a0 My hands run across the fabric.\u00a0 Velour sucks energy out through my fingertips.<\/p>\n I fight against it, flail my arm out to reach the magazine on the nearby table.\u00a0 I hope it isn\u2019t a People Magazine, the epitome of mental lassitude.\u00a0 My image will be forever tarnished if someone walks in and sees me asleep in a Lazy Boy with a People magazine spread across my chest.\u00a0 I can\u2019t take the chance.<\/p>\n I want to get out, but this velvet coffin has snared me with its perverse design.\u00a0 Once in, it requires a heroic effort to exit, a spasmodic flex of abdominal muscles coordinated with a swift push of the calf muscles to fold in the foot rest.\u00a0 I stagger out.<\/p>\n How can we get rid of it?\u00a0 It is too bulky for us to move, particularly since Nick\u2019s doctor says he shouldn\u2019t lift anything heavier than a coffee cup for the next three months.<\/p>\n Gratefully, he no longer needs to sleep sitting up.\u00a0 My best plan is to put a \u201cFor Sale\u201d sign in the doctor\u2019s office.\u00a0 The surgeon does several shoulder repairs a week, the perfect target audience.\u00a0 The idea of the chair comforting one surgically repaired shoulder after another appeals to me.\u00a0 In the meantime, every time I walk by, I turn my head and put up to two crossed fingers to hex that behemoth.\u00a0 I cannot trust myself to take another slippery step.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\nFollow Liza Blue on: Definition: Sloth \/sl\u00f4TH,sl\u014dTH\/ noun 1. disinclination to action or labor; spiritual apathy Symbolized by a Lazy Boy in the living room. 2.\u00a0 A slow moving tropical American mammal Derived from the activity level of a human in a Lazy … Continue reading
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