{"id":2937,"date":"2020-07-05T15:42:18","date_gmt":"2020-07-05T20:42:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/?p=2937"},"modified":"2022-04-24T17:26:11","modified_gmt":"2022-04-24T22:26:11","slug":"pandemic-ponderings-sports-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/2020\/07\/pandemic-ponderings-sports-edition\/","title":{"rendered":"Pandemic Ponderings: Sports Edition"},"content":{"rendered":"

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The visceral up-chuck I experience at the sound of Trump\u2019s voice, or the imitation of his voice, makes me a dangerous driver.\u00a0 Therefore, I generally listen to sports radio in the car, as it is reliably a no-Trump station.\u00a0 As we headed into the pandemic shutdowns., I wondered how sports talk shows would fill the\u00a0vast emptiness<\/p>\n

A key attribute of radio talk show hosts is their ability to turn the tiniest nugget into an entire afternoon debate.\u00a0 However, by April I could tell they were struggling.\u00a0 On one errand, they discussed their favorite color of mustard and how to perfect a hamburger flip.\u00a0 On another trip, they nattered on about the implications of a wink \u2013 when it was sexual come-on versus an innocent tease.<\/p>\n

These beleaguered talk show hosts need something meatier to discuss.\u00a0 I\u2019d also \u00a0like to contribute to the pandemic-induced clamor for change.\u00a0 Here are my ideas for revamping each of our major sports.<\/p>\n

Basketball<\/strong><\/p>\n

I will admit I don\u2019t understand basketball.\u00a0 In the absence of Michael Jordan\u2019s highlight reel, to me it looks like a group of freakishly tall and sweaty men milling around.\u00a0 However, I do notice, with dismay, that players routinely foul each other on purpose.<\/em>\u00a0 Is there any other sport where breaking the rules is considered a routine strategy?<\/p>\n

I grew up in the 1960\u2019s when women\u2019s sports were essentially non-competitive.\u00a0 Breaking the rules was considered the epitome of poor sportsmanship.\u00a0 Yes, I see that a foul could be necessary to stop a breakaway in soccer or hockey, but then you\u2019d have to accept the risk of a penalty shot.\u00a0 A penalty should be a deterrent for further bad behavior.\u00a0 Allowing your opponent to shoot a free throw does not rise to that level.<\/p>\n

The end of a basketball game is not the frantic flurry I would prefer, but a drawn-out ordeal cluttered with time outs, intentional fouls and free throws. \u00a0Five minutes on the clock can take twenty to play.\u00a0 As I said, I don\u2019t understand basketball, but I\u2019m grateful that someone named Elam does and has proposed\u00a0a clever\u00a0rule to eliminate intentional fouls in the fourth quarter.\u00a0 At the four-minute mark, the game clock is stopped.\u00a0 In its place there is a designated \u201ctarget\u201d score determined by adding a few points \u2013 maybe seven points or so \u2013 to the score of the leading team.\u00a0 The first team to reach the target score wins, regardless of how much, or little, time it takes.\u00a0 \u00a0The trailing team must play tight defense as the target is approached; they cannot afford to commit intentional fouls.\u00a0\u00a0 The Elam Ending was used at this year\u2019s all-star game and was well received.<\/p>\n

Baseball<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Unlike basketball, I\u00a0know baseball – witness my knowledge of its arcane rules like\u00a0dropped\u00a0 third strike and infield fly.\u00a0 Baseball was a major part of my life, both as a spectator and participant, but my enthusiasm has waned as the game has slowed down.\u00a0 Now baseball only occasionally serves as a backdrop to a long nap,\u00a0 the kind of nap where you have to brush your teeth when you wake up.\u00a0 As a former fan, I feel qualified to offer suggestions.<\/p>\n

Recently, baseball announced some rule changes for the shortened 2020 season, most notably that any extra inning would start with a player on second base.\u00a0 This might pep up the finale of an otherwise boring game, but what about the other nine innings?\u00a0 I need something to keep me awake for the entire game.<\/p>\n

In all other sports, the defense and offence are closely tied.\u00a0 In football, a strong defensive stand requires the offense to dig out of a dicey field position.\u00a0 In hockey and basketball, the transition between defense\u00a0and offence can swing from a seamless triumph to a punitive tragedy in a matter of seconds.\u00a0 In baseball, offence and defense are entirely separate.\u00a0 A bad defense doesn\u2019t handicap the offense.\u00a0 I contend that the team on the field should be rewarded if they hold their opponents to three batters.\u00a0 When they come up to bat, I propose that the batter due up automatically go to first base.<\/p>\n

What a bonus if the next batter up is the feeblest hitter (e.g. the pitcher in the National League), what a mixed blessing if the batter is the home run hitter!\u00a0 \u00a0A taut double play would be a necessity.\u00a0 The pitcher would have to be able to hold the runner at first and pitching from the stretch also would diminish the oomph on his delivery.\u00a0 Perhaps the team at bat could defer their reward to a different inning, a move requiring exquisite strategy.\u00a0\u00a0 The announcers would have endless palaver to fill the dead air of baseball.\u00a0 I’d be honored if they referred to this innovation as the “Blue Bonus.”<\/p>\n

By the way<\/em>, in the past I have proposed that just for variety, bases should be run in the opposite direction.\u00a0 However, this idea is too radical even for this pandemic season of change.<\/p>\n

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Football<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The only way to watch a football game is join a recorded game about one hour in, click through the ads, catch up and watch the final minutes as a live event.\u00a0 My new clicker is my biggest complaint about football.\u00a0 The old clicker had a 30 second fast forward button, which is the exact time allowed for the huddle.\u00a0 As soon as the play was over, I could advance 30 seconds to precisely arrive at the beginning of the next play.\u00a0 My new clicker advances five minutes, requiring me to manually inch ahead.\u00a0 As I write this, I am embarrassed by my demands for convenience.<\/p>\n

My understanding of football is woefully incomplete, but still better than basketball.\u00a0 Despite listening to hours of commentary, I have never \u201cpicked up a blitz,\u201d and don\u2019t know what a \u201cdime\u201d or \u201cnickel package\u201d is.\u00a0 I find it confusing that a tackle is an offensive position, but these players aren\u2019t allowed to tackle anyone, they can only block oncoming opponents.\u00a0 And then there is the full back, who doesn\u2019t play all the way back at all.\u00a0 He plays in front of the half<\/em> back, so their names are reversed.\u00a0 These gaps in my understanding don\u2019t matter.\u00a0 It is a beautiful thing to watch an arcing pass fall into the outstretched fingertips of a streaking runner.<\/p>\n

Soccer<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The rest of the world probably thinks Americans are ignorant about the elegance of a one-nil final score, but scoring has got to pick up. if the world wants our powerhouse economy to go all-in on soccer.\u00a0 Kicking the ball out of bounds on purpose slows the game down and seems like a chicken-shit move.\u00a0 Soccer should take a page from basketball.\u00a0 Allow the team to intentionally kick\u00a0the ball\u00a0out of bounds maybe four times, but after that the opponents are awarded a free kick instead of a throw-in.\u00a0 The hair-trigger for offsides within the box is a major deterrent to scoring.\u00a0 Soccer could also take a page from the hockey blue line and eliminate off-sides within the box.\u00a0\u00a0 At least they should think about it.<\/p>\n

Ice Hockey<\/strong><\/p>\n

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My pandemic pondering leads me to conclude that ice hockey is the perfect game.\u00a0 It\u2019s simple, creative, continuous, fast-moving and unencumbered by arcane rules.\u00a0 The offence and defense are intimately twined.\u00a0 Penalties are impactful.\u00a0 \u00a0All sports should aspire to its grace and splendor.<\/p>\n

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The visceral up-chuck I experience at the sound of Trump\u2019s voice, or the imitation of his voice, makes me a dangerous driver.\u00a0 Therefore, I generally listen to sports radio in the car, as it is reliably a no-Trump station.\u00a0 As … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2937","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sports"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7iVc8-Ln","post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2937","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2937"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2937\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2945,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2937\/revisions\/2945"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2937"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2937"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2937"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}