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<\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n\u201cHow to Taxidermy a \u201cSquirrel\u201d popped up on YouTube, featuring three cheerful millennials working with road-killed squirrels. The prospect of scavenging roadkill was not personally appealing and would not be a good look for our new neighbors. I happily embraced the traditional gender roles of hunter-gatherers. I asked my husband Nick to forage me a specimen. His first target was the chipmunk trapped in our garage. He hoisted the pellet gun and fired away, leaving the walls pock-marked but no chipmunk. Chastened by his failure, he stopped to chat with the neighbor as he walked the dog. Russ asked about his plans for the beautiful day. Nick could have said that he was going fishing, an entirely reasonable and appropriate plan, but instead he chose to mention that I was in the midst of my YouTube Skills week and was planning to study cake decorating and taxidermy. What a stroke of luck. The neighbor said a squirrel raiding his bird seed had just that morning succumbed to acute lead poisoning, i.e., he\u2019d shot him. Nick returned home, triumphant as he handed me a large black squirrel in a plastic bag. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I delved into the world of taxidermy and learned that this art has been simplified over recent decades.\u00a0 Traditional taxidermy required elaborate wiring using native bones to create poses.\u00a0 Plastic molds of squirrels are now available \u2013 running up or down a tree, eating a nut, and a pouncing pose with the squirrel standing on its hind legs.\u00a0 The skinned hide can be fitted over the mold and discreetly sewn up along its belly.\u00a0 Accurate plastic eyes in different sizes are an important accessory.\u00a0 \u00a0Note:\u00a0 squirrels have an oval pupil.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nMany YouTube videos detail the process of skinning the animal. Some specifically focus on taxidermy, others target hunters who plan to eat the squirrel. Regardless, with a few deft cuts you can essentially turn the squirrel\u2019s skin inside out \u2013 at least you can on YouTube. My initial efforts were frankly hack jobs. I trolled through other tutorials and came to the reluctant (but convenient) conclusion that I did not have the right equipment. My husband\u2019s fishing filet knife was too big, the regular scissors were too big, the fingernail scissors too small. A scalpel would have helped. I had not appreciated the several week process of tanning the hide, which would require a $100+ investment for a kit from Amazon. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Apparently, taxidermy is not suitable for the casual hobbyist. However, my squirrel deserved better than a routine disposal in the garbage bin. I wanted a positive learning experience, not discovering what I was no good at. I refocused my efforts on gut dissection. Guts hold no interest for the taxidermist or hunter. They are nothing more than disposable byproduct or inedible offal. For a pathologist, guts are the meat and potatoes of autopsies and surgical biopsies. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I carefully opened up the squirrel\u2019s rib cage and abdomen. I was stunned. My squirrel had the most lovely and dainty organs. The central heart, surrounded by two frothy and pink lungs, the large liver overlapping the stomach (incidentally stuffed with digested bird seed), the slinky intestinal coils and the paired kidneys. I even found two adorable testicles tucked away in the groin. To my jaded pathology eyes, these organs were fresh and innocent, untouched by disease. The lungs were not streaked with sooty pollution, the human equivalent of an ashtray, the liver was smooth and glistening, not studded with cirrhosis as I have seen so many times. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nThe array of the organs was identical to a human, a miniaturized version of my own. An anatomy professor once told me that he found entrails boring as they were the same across all mammals. His interest was translating the alignment of bones and muscles to their function. The consistency of the guts was the reason I found them fascinating. With a few tweaks here and there, this design has been conserved throughout all mammals, bypassing natural selection. It was perfect the way it was. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As a thought exercise, imagine an intelligent designer tasked with developing mammals\u2019 engine room. (This is just a hypothetical and convenient <\/em>thought exercise. There is no such thing as an intelligent designer. Just go with the concept for a moment.) The designer thinks \u201cI need a pump filled with blood and then a way to exchange gases.\u201d She notices how the successive branching of limbs and leaves expand the surface area for gas exchange. Inspired, she applies the same principle to the lungs, creating air fills sac with small blebs. These are the alveoli. Processing food and waste was the next challenge. She designs the liver and kidneys to serve as filters and garbage disposal, the stomach and intestine absorb food. Her plan works perfectly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I imagine the designer handing over blueprint to the captain of evolution and saying, \u201cGo to town.\u00a0 Unleash your imagination.\u00a0 You can change the skeleton and musculature to fit all niches, longer legs for the springers, short legs to the diggers, sharp nails for climbing, strong flat teeth for chewing herbivores, sharp teeth for the carnivores. Play with sight, smell and hearing.\u00a0 But don\u2019t touch the guts.\u00a0 I have nailed the entrails.\u00a0 Even better my design is scalable.\u00a0 You can make the heart or anything else big enough for a whale, or tiny for a mouse.\u00a0 My job is done.\u00a0 Grind away, evolution, take it from here.\u00a0 There\u2019s no rush.\u00a0 Take all the time you need.\u201d<\/p>\nFollow Liza Blue on: An unexpected change in summer vacation plans left me with a solo week of unstructured time. Although I have become quite skilled in puttering and frittering, I didn\u2019t want to fall into the abyss of bad TV, cheap novels and … Continue reading <\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"