{"id":374,"date":"2011-03-26T18:57:21","date_gmt":"2011-03-26T18:57:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fanagrams.net\/blog\/?p=374"},"modified":"2011-03-26T18:57:21","modified_gmt":"2011-03-26T18:57:21","slug":"home-style-chunks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/2011\/03\/home-style-chunks\/","title":{"rendered":"Home Style Chunks"},"content":{"rendered":"

I set the five cans on the kitchen counter, awaiting Ellen to conduct the taste test.\u00a0 I will only try one, since to open all of them would be too wasteful; my choices include Harvest Moon, Wild Buffalo Grill, Mediterranean Banquet, French Country Caf\u00e9 and New Zealand Summer (which is of course our winter).\u00a0 Each label is decorated with a rustic water color painting of the\"\"<\/a> ingredients.\u00a0 Harvest Moon has a picture of a cornucopia with some pheasant feathers sticking out\u00a0surrounded by fall leaves and a few miscellaneous vegetables, the Mediterranean Banquet depicts a bag of brown rice and a bottle of olive oil in addition to a rack of lamb, and French Country Caf\u00e9 says \u201cBon App\u00e9tit!\u201d next to a roasted chicken, some apples and peas. When I shake the can, there is a sloshing noise which makes me nervous, particularly since the can also claims that it contains \u201chome style chunks.\u201d\u00a0 Chunks of exactly what, I think.\u00a0 Despite the homey labels, canned chunks bring back grim memories of cafeteria mystery meat and shit on a shingle.<\/p>\n

The cans have been sitting on my counter for two weeks now as I have put off the taste test, but I have promised myself I will do it and Ellen is due to arrive any minute.\u00a0 This scenario began to unfold when I went to the Grayslake Feed Store to pick up 300 pounds of corn gluten for organic weed control.\u00a0 Grayslake is a bit northwest of our suburban home, just far enough away from Chicago to be in a semi-rural farming area, so in addition to lawn products they stock all sorts of animal feed.\u00a0 As I walked in I saw a curious sign that said, \u201cWe proudly sell the Honest Kitchen Food, made from 100% human grade ingredients.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 I asked the salesperson, \u201cWhat does human grade mean \u2013 do people eat this stuff?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

The check out girl, incongruously adorned with black lipstick and nail polish and glittery mascara, turned up her nose and said, \u201cWell I certainly haven\u2019t tried it, but I suppose you could if you wanted to.\u00a0 You do realize that this is dog food, don\u2019t you?\u201d\u00a0 It turns out that the Honest Kitchen makes dehydrated food that mostly resembles an expensive bag of peat moss.\u00a0 Apparently all you have to do is add water for a perfectly balanced\u00a0human grade meal.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The term implies that the manufacturing plant undergoes more frequent and thorough inspections by the USDA, and human grade is distinguished from feed grade, which can include such extraneous body parts such as feathers, beaks and claws, or parts of \u201c4D\u201d animals, i.e. those that are dying, diseased, disabled or deceased.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The in-store advertisement for human-grade food said, \u201cWe believe that your pet deserves the same nourishing foods that you feed your family,\u201d and that “all the ingredients\u00a0can be found in your kitchen.”\u00a0 I am in complete agreement that pets should have the same diet as humans; in fact, \u201cLeftovers\u201d or \u201cTable Scraps\u201d would be\u00a0ideal names for a dog.\u00a0 It is the dog\u2019s role to be the handy clean up crew for spilt milk and all those Cheerios that kids fling from high chairs.\u00a0 My mother would routinely put\u00a0gummy roasting pans with adherent pieces of\u00a0 meat outside by the back door for the dogs to enjoy \u2013 they would do a more thorough job than any grease-cutting detergents or scrubbers.\u00a0 This was also my mother\u2019s delaying tactic for the final clean up – when entering through the back door you often had to tip toe around an array of pans that all appeared spotlessly cleaned.\u00a0 Occasionally my mother would do a sweep of the bushes to retrieve missing pans that had been pushed in there by determined dogs.\u00a0 In those hectic days when the household was full of children there was absolutely no need to purchase dog food.\u00a0 As the kids slowly departed, the critical mass of scraps to support two dogs dwindled and my mother reluctantly started purchasing dog food.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

I was tempted to buy Honest Kitchen for our two dogs who have been subjected to exactly the same meal for their entire lives, but the food just did not look that appetizing.\u00a0 My attention was drawn to the next items on the shelf \u2013 the Merrick 5 Star Entre\u00e9s for dogs, which now stand on my kitchen counter.\u00a0 Apparently, labeling regulations state that you can use the terms \u201chuman grade\u201d in promotional literature or in store advertising, but not on the label itself, since people might get confused and eat it.\u00a0 There was clearly no chance that I was going to mistake Merrick dog food for human in the store.\u00a0 First off, I was in an animal feed store, and secondly I was surrounded by bits and pieces from the slaughterhouse floor.\u00a0\u00a0 Next to me was a big bin of pig hooves, which in human terms look the jumbo yellowed toenails that podiatrists make their living at.\"\"<\/a>\u00a0 There were other body parts, like femurs, and\u00a0bins of rawhide tied into many different shapes \u2013 one selection was dyed to look exactly like a hot dog in a bun.\u00a0\u00a0 Behind me was a bin of pig’s ears and knee joints, which looked entirely human and still had little bits of ligaments attached to them.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0But if I took the Merrick can out of this setting and put it on our pantry shelf, it could mix in perfectly with our row of canned soups.\u00a0 Everything about the label is designed to make it look appealing to human palettes.\u00a0 There\u00a0are the names themselves, of course, and then the list of ingredients make you think of one of those fancy menus that try to dazzle you with quality sounding ingredients.\u00a0 The Wild Buffalo Grill includes \u201ccracked pearled barley,\u201d which I suppose is much yummier sounding than plain barley.\u00a0\u00a0 The French Country Caf\u00e9 includes \u201cgarden peas,\u201d again a mystery since I assume that all peas come from a garden at some point.\u00a0 Harvest Moon includes not just wild rice, but specifically \u201cMinnesota\u201d wild rice, and each can has a specific type of apple, Golden Delicious, Granny Smith or Fuji.\u00a0\u00a0 And then if the picture on the can is not enough, the store bins have actual pictures of the food to hammer home the human-grade promise.\u00a0 But instead of putting Wild Buffalo Grill realistically in a dog dish, it is artfully poured into a soup bowl and decorated with a rosemary sprig for garnish.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I have always thought that labeling is an interesting marketing exercise.\u00a0 Most of the Merrick labels are consumed with the required information on the percentage of ingredients and nutritional value, but the Merrick family found themselves with a little strip of empty label where they could additionally extol the virtues of their 5 star entrees.\u00a0 I envision some family member who was a frustrated writer, itching to let loose on the label.\u00a0 Each can presents a way over the top vignette:<\/p>\n

French Country Caf\u00e9:<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWhether it\u2019s a corner caf\u00e9 on the streets of Paris, a Cottage tucked along the French countryside or a trip up the Eiffel Tower with your significant other, they all spell the romance of France.\u00a0 This savory delight inspired by the many culinary artists from across the pond will have your dog begging for more in a heavy French accent in no time.\u00a0 The Merricks say Merci Beaucoup.\u201d<\/p>\n

When\u00a0I first read this, I was confused by the term \u201csignificant other.\u201d\u00a0 Were they referring to a dog, or is this a very PC reference to a human companion?\u00a0 I do know that dogs are routinely welcomed in French restaurants, where diners can slip them scraps under the table.\u00a0 How about those culinary artists in France?\u00a0 I am sure that they would be dismayed to hear that they were the inspiration for dog food.\u00a0 I would also love to hear the audio of a dog barking in a French accent.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Wild Buffalo Grill<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s winter in the Rockies at a quiet cabin with the one you love, a good book and a warm fire.\u00a0 The taste of the west is on the menu tonight.\u00a0 Buffalo and a host of tasty vittles are warming on the stove.\u00a0 The Merrick family is happy to share this original taste with your canine friend.\u00a0 The Merricks say Howdy and thanks.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hmm\u2026 same issue here, is \u201cthe one I love\u201d a dog?\u00a0 Perhaps so, since a dog in a cabin is a familiar American scene.\u00a0 But if I am snuggled in with my dog, why am I cooking the dog food on the stove? The words \u201coriginal taste\u201d strike a slight disturb point for me, since originality in a dog food sounds a little risky.\u00a0 Personally, I would have described the taste as \u201ccomforting.\u201d<\/p>\n

New Zealand<\/em> Summer<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThere is something so peaceful, so still about imagining a herd of sheep grazing on the grassy fields of New Zealand.\u00a0 A simple life of a shepherd is not so simple but oh so comforting for the sheep to know that they are under His watch.\u00a0 The hope is for a place someday that offers a peace that transcends all human understanding.\u00a0 The Merricks hope your dog Baas over this dish.\u201d<\/p>\n

Wow, this vignette veers off into religious symbolism.\u00a0\u00a0 The capitalization of \u201cHis<\/em> watch” must mean that the shepherd is God or Jesus Christ watching over the flock with a resulting transcendent peace.\u00a0 That\u2019s quite an aggressive agenda for a dog food label.\u00a0 It is also a little confusing if you read this label from the point of view of the actual sheep.\u00a0 While the label states that a simple shepherd must be comforting for the sheep, I can\u2019t help but notice that the main ingredient of New Zealand Summer is lamb, and that the shepherd is ultimately leading the sheep to slaughter.<\/p>\n

I have now spent quite a bit of quality time with the Merricks.\u00a0 In recognition of their creative efforts to market in human terms, I come to the logical conclusion that a taste test is in order, but even though it is human grade, it does make me nervous.\u00a0 All the scraps that my mother fed the dogs would be considered human grade, but I remember horrible pieces of greasy gristle and home-style chunks of fat.\u00a0 I quickly eliminate Mediterranean Banquet and New Zealand Summer since their principal ingredient is lamb, which is a meat that I am pretty neutral on, but since I would never order it in a restaurant, why would I select it now?\u00a0 Furthermore, the label specifies lamb liver.\u00a0 As a kid, I enjoyed the liver and squash my mother served us; somehow the bright orange squash and rich brown liver made a visually appealing plate.\u00a0 But then during my pathology residency I had to work in the autopsy suite and the morgue.\u00a0 I routinely handled slippery, jaundiced and cirrhotic livers, which killed any thought of ever eating liver again.\u00a0 That leaves me with either duck or buffalo as entrees, and I decide to go with Wild Buffalo Grill since the second ingredient is water.<\/p>\n

The door bell rings and Ellen is here.\u00a0 She is wavering in her resolve, but I am impressed by her loyalty to see this through http:\/\/sverigeapotek.se\/<\/a>.\u00a0 My personal marketing strategy is to impress upon her that \u201ctasting\u201d dog food is critically different than \u201ceating\u201d dog food.\u00a0 I certainly would not want my friends to think that I eat dog food, and my husband Nick is thoroughly appalled at this whole exercise.\u00a0 But I point out that tasting<\/em><\/strong> consists of something as trivial as putting the tiny tip of your pinky into the \u201csauce\u201d and briefly touching it to your tongue.\u00a0 Eating<\/em><\/strong> on the other hand implies a deliberate and measureable caloric intake.\u00a0 Satisfied with this framework, Ellen relaxes her defensive position of arms tightly folded across her chest, and she agrees that Wild Buffalo Grill sounds the most promising.\u00a0 We shake the can as directed, and then also note that the label states, \u201cKeep fresh water available at all times,\u201d clearly disturbing advice.\u00a0 Nick is watching us at the kitchen counter while he makes a traditional lunch of cold cuts, pickle and cottage cheese, and offers the helpful observation that all dog food recommends a ready supply of fresh water.\u00a0 For our dogs\u2019 sake, I wonder if I have been irresponsible by letting the toilet bowl serve as their emergency fresh water supply.<\/p>\n

Back on task, we nervously peel back the top of Wild Buffalo and stare at symmetrical chunks swimming in shimmering sauce interspersed with recognizable peas and carrots.\u00a0 One-two-three we each pinch off the smallest corner of a chunk and taste it, and conclude that it is not bad.\u00a0 French Country Caf\u00e9 is next and we both agree that Wild Buffalo tastes better.\u00a0\u00a0 While I\"\"<\/a> acknowledge that dogs who have the privilege of eating 5 Star Entr\u00e9e dog food probably eat better than a sizeable chunk of the human population, I also know that I have been deeply acculturated to think that dog food is repulsive.\u00a0 So there is no way that our tasting will ever segue to eating, and we stop our testing\u00a0at two cans.\u00a0 I pour a sample of French Country Caf\u00e9 into the dog dish and call the dogs.\u00a0 Ironically the dogs do not taste anything, they simply wolf the food down in a couple of slurpy bites, beyond any possibility of savoring the efforts of culinary artists.\u00a0 While I am sure that they were appreciative, I do not hear any barking in French.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

The missing words in the following poem are all anagrams (like post, stop, spot) and the number of dashed indicates the number of letter.\u00a0 One of the anagrams will rhyme with either the preceding or following line.\u00a0\u00a0Your job is to solve the missing words based on the context of the poem.\u00a0 Scroll down for answers.\u00a0<\/h6>\n

The Merricks want their dog food to stand out on the pantry shelf<\/p>\n

And they hope the homey picture on the label will just sell ——.<\/p>\n

If not, there\u2019s a list of yummy ingredients and stories of how it\u2019s made,<\/p>\n

They\u2019re no —— in there, but at least we know everything is human grade.<\/p>\n

Wild Buffalo Grill is probably more nutritious than meals many children get<\/p>\n

But I can\u2019t —— my gag at eating home style chunks intended for my pet.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

answers: itself, stifle, filets<\/p>\nFollow Liza Blue on: \"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>Share: \"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"reddit\"<\/a>\"pinterest\"<\/a>\"linkedin\"<\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I set the five cans on the kitchen counter, awaiting Ellen to conduct the taste test.\u00a0 I will only try one, since to open all of them would be too wasteful; my choices include Harvest Moon, Wild Buffalo Grill, Mediterranean … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[30,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-374","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-food-stuff","category-what-i-did"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7iVc8-62","post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/374","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=374"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/374\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":380,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/374\/revisions\/380"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=374"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=374"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=374"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}