{"id":527,"date":"2011-07-09T01:28:54","date_gmt":"2011-07-09T01:28:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fanagrams.net\/blog\/?p=527"},"modified":"2011-07-09T01:28:54","modified_gmt":"2011-07-09T01:28:54","slug":"the-17-year-itch","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/2011\/07\/the-17-year-itch\/","title":{"rendered":"The 17 Year Itch"},"content":{"rendered":"

For the past 17 years Joe had rarely looked at himself in the mirror.\u00a0 For a while he had stopped on the way to work every morning to get a shave, but he eventually abandoned this indulgence and just grew a beard.\u00a0 He took a deep breath and looked straight
\ninto the mirror and at Janet\u2019s request, started to shave.<\/p>\n

Just 15 minutes ago he had been sitting at breakfast reading the arts section while Janet sat across from him engrossed in the sports section.\u00a0 When they were first married, he had tried to break the silence with insightful comments on the Cubs, politics, fashion, whatever, but he got nothing but a stony silence.\u00a0 By their second anniversary he just gave up.\u00a0 He tried to pretend that the utter stillness was something to be expected in an
\nold married couple who were so attuned to each other that conversation was no
\nlong necessary. \u00a0The sound of the grandfather clock in the front hall used to drive him to distraction \u2013 a symbol of his failure as husband to provoke the slightest interest from his wife.\u00a0 Now it never even occurred to him to attempt at conversation and he loved the steady ticking of the clock.<\/p>\n

He suddenly heard the crinkle of the paper as Janet folded it and set it aside.\u00a0 He looked up and there she was staring at him \u2013 such a strange sensation that he felt his forehead flush.\u00a0 \u201cJoe,\u201d she said softly, \u201cremember when I first met you and you didn\u2019t have your beard?\u201d He could scarcely believe the tenderness in her voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cJanet, I can\u2019t believe that you bring this up \u2013 do you know what day it is today?\u201d \u00a0\u00a0She squirmed in her chair and shrugged, but something had to be on her mind.\u00a0 \u201cJanet,
\nit is almost 17 years ago to the day that we met at Ravinia \u2013 can you guess how I know?\u201d\u00a0 She nodded and pushed the paper and pointed.\u00a0 Joe looked at the headline.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I can\u2019t believe it.\u00a0 I saw a cicada yesterday and now here\u2019s the headline that the cicadas will be here in droves any day now.\u201d\u00a0 She bit her lip and nodded.\u00a0 Joe thought he saw a glimpse of tears and was joyous at the first sign of tenderness after their whirlwind courtship and wedding.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was some night at Ravinia,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0\u00a0 We could hardly hear Joe Cocker over the noise of the cicadas and as we were sitting under the tree we could feel them trying to emerge under our blanket.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t believe it, you seemed to know everything about cicadas \u2013 you said that all the thrumming we were hearing was the sound of pure sexual energy as the cicadas had only 2 weeks every 17 years to find a mate.\u00a0 You were very excited, and I\u2019m afraid that you took advantage of me, my dear,\u201d said Joe as he
\ntentatively placed his hand atop hers.<\/p>\n

Janet recoiled.\u00a0 \u201cI would like you to shave your beard off,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

Joe leapt to his feet and headed to the bathroom and rummaged around to find one of Janet\u2019s razors.\u00a0 He had always known that he was not a good looking man.\u00a0 He was a \u00a0victim of an unfortunate genetic synergy between his father\u2019s sallow skin and hooked nose and his mother\u2019s tendency to a double chin and sagging cheek bones.\u00a0 People had
\nstartled at his appearance and he had occasionally heard titters on the bus, but he had grown used to it.\u00a0 In fact, his mother had told him many times that it was not the worst thing in the world to be ugly, after all, she had survived just fine.\u00a0 That was why he was so pleased when someone as pretty as Janet had thrown herself relentlessly at him.\u00a0 He
\nhad readily accepted her marriage proposal.<\/p>\n

His mother had been skeptical, \u201cJoe what\u2019s up with this girl? Why would such a knock out settle for someone like you?\u00a0 Now don\u2019t get me wrong, I love you dearly, but let\u2019s be realistic.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you think that someone plainer, I mean someone who shares your same scale of physical beauty might make a better life partner?\u00a0 I just don\u2019t want your heart to
\nbe broken.\u00a0 Your father and I have been very happy all these years, because we each know that we are not attractive to other people.\u201d<\/p>\n

His mother\u2019s attempts to manage his amorous expectations seemed irrelevant at that point.\u00a0 Janet was constantly calling him and showing up unannounced at work.\u00a0 One time she insisted that they take a long walk in the woods where they eventually joined
\nthe cicadas in their sexual frenzy.\u00a0 When he returned to work several hours later, he received knowing looks from his colleagues, one of whom leaned over his cubicle and plucked out all the leaves that were stuck in the back of his hair.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell for two weeks that summer, I really had it going,\u201d he thought as he took the first swipe with the razor, revealing tender skin that that shuddered at the exposure to fresh air.\u00a0 \u201cIf she wants me to shave, that is what I will do.\u201d \u00a0He hummed in grateful
\nanticipation as the sink filled with his thick black hair.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow are you coming, honey?\u201d called Janet.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoney,\u201d thought Joe, \u201cthis can\u2019t be true, she has not even called me by my name for ages.\u201d\u00a0 He trembled in excitement and nicked his chin.\u00a0 A tiny trickle of blood ran down
\nhis neck, but he left it where it was.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho knows, this could be a turn on for Janet,\u201d he thought.\u00a0 He looked at himself, clean shaven at last and was horrified.\u00a0 The magnitude of his nose was horrifying.\u00a0 His eyes seemed to pop out, creating a definite prehistoric look.\u00a0 He heard a slight tap and a whirring noise next to the bathroom window.\u00a0 As he looked over he came face to face with a cicada and stared into its oversized eye.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoney, how are you doing\u201d cooed Janet, \u201cI\u2019m in the bedroom, wearing the nightgown you gave me on our wedding night.\u00a0 I can\u2019t wait much longer.\u00a0 I think that we should both call
\nin sick today.\u00a0 I will make it worth your while.\u201d<\/p>\n

The trapped bug frenzied some more and Joe grabbed it by his wings and looked at himself and the cicada and himself side by side in the mirror.\u00a0 \u201cOh my god,\u201d thought Joe, \u201cI look like a cicada, even the blood trickle is the same pattern as the veins on its wing.\u00a0 I look like a fucking cicada, my wife is in love with cicadas.\u201d<\/p>\n

The morning was just warm enough and the thrumming of the cicadas began.
\nJanet joined them.\u00a0 \u201cWell, it certainly has been a fallow 17 years,\u201d thought Joe, \u201cso I will really have to make the next 2 weeks count.\u201d\u00a0 He rushed into the bedroom.<\/p>\n

The missing words in the following poem are anagrams (i.e. share the same letters like spot, stop and post) and the number of asterisks indicate the number of letters.\u00a0 One of the words will rhyme with the preceding or following line, giving you a big hint.\u00a0 Your job is to solve for the missing words based on the above rules and the context of the poem.\u00a0 SCroll down for answers.<\/em><\/h6>\n

He thought that the sun, moon and stars must have been perfectly ——-,<\/p>\n

So that his beautiful wife viewed his ugliness with an eye that was blind.<\/p>\n

But he didn\u2019t realize that he was ——- with a cicada in human guise<\/p>\n

And she was only attracted to his prehistoric look and bugged out eyes.<\/p>\n

Her frigidity and disdain were the ——- causes of his frustration and tears,<\/p>\n

Until he realized that she was sexually active for only 2 weeks every 17 years.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

aligned, dealing, leading<\/p>\nFollow Liza Blue on: \"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>Share: \"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"reddit\"<\/a>\"pinterest\"<\/a>\"linkedin\"<\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For the past 17 years Joe had rarely looked at himself in the mirror.\u00a0 For a while he had stopped on the way to work every morning to get a shave, but he eventually abandoned this indulgence and just grew … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[33],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-527","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nature"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7iVc8-8v","post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/527","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=527"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/527\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":528,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/527\/revisions\/528"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=527"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=527"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fanagrams.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=527"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}